Aham Brahmasmi
Shri Vallabhacharya says:
Tav ashtakam Muda, Pathati Sura surte Sada,
Samasta Durit akshayo Bhavati Vahe Mukunde Ratih,
Taya Sakala Siddhiyo Murari pushya Santyush yati
Swavabhava Vijayo Bhavet Vadhati Vallabha Shree Hareh. (9)
I chant your ashtakam with joy like Surdas who always sang your praises. Mukunda liberates me from all my evil tendencies and illusions and blesses me with eternal love. You are a part of Murari and bless me with your siddhis. I feel satisfied when I am able to control my mind, heart and natural tendencies. When I gain victory over my own mind, I, Vallabha sing the praise of Shri Hari.
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Iti Shri Vallabhacharya virachitam Shri Yamunashtaka Stotram Sampoornam.
This is the end of the Shri Yamunashtaka Stotram which is composed by Shri Vallabhacharya.
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Aham Brahmasmi
I live in many worlds. I can create as many worlds for myself as I want to – whenever I want to. When I chant the Shree Yamunashtakam, I enter into the divine world that is within me. I am filled with bliss, Ananda and this helps me cope with the challenges of the real world. I have to live in the real world too. When I am in my own divine world, I realize I am a shunya – a zero. It is only when I enter the external real world, that I get carried away by my gunas, my ego and Maya.
Yamunaji blesses me with her siddhis, her powers, when I reside in my inner world. I am humbled when I compare myself with her infinite powers. But if I want to cope with the challenges of the external world, like Surdas, I need to chant the Yamunashtakam regularly.
Uddhav is a scholar. A man of knowledge. Yet his immense knowledge does not help him comfort the gopis. Their love for Krishna is unconditional and he is unable to help them with his knowledge. Krishna sings the Uddhav Gita to help him sift through the illusion of Maya and see the reality that is Krishna. Krishna is the ultimate reality. The ‘Sat’ – the unquestionable truth. The ‘Sat’ of the ‘Sat- sang’ where only discussions of Krishna take place – nothing more. Nothing less.
Uddhav’s immense knowledge does not equip him with the siddhi of discrimination. Uddhav has gyan but no bhakti. Maybe that is the lesson that Krishna wants Uddhav to learn. Maybe that is why Uddhav is reborn as the blind poet Surdas. Surdas has no knowledge about the scriptures. Yet, he is able to break away from his illusions and surrender to the will of Shrinathji because his love for Krishna is unconditional. Surdas’ songs are simple, profound and full of bhakti.
As long as I chant the Yamunashtakam, my Chitta is anchored. I am able to park my ego outside my mind. It is easy for me to discard my illusions when I connect to her regularly.
But Mura and Maya have their own sly ways of entering my mind and heart. They take me away from Krishna. Mura creates infinite worlds in my mind. Maya creates infinite worlds within my heart.
‘Aham Brahmasmi’ means something different to me now. My ego, my ‘aham’, my Mura has created a world of Brahma – a world of illusions – within me. I am the queen of my world. I reign supreme in my world. Mura and Maya are at work again. Vishnu is fast asleep and Bhakti and Saraswati exit as Lakshmi flows in with all her splendour.
I like all the attention I get. The euphoria of success, fame and money makes me powerful. I have no use for the siddhis of Yamunaji. I think I have infinite powers, skills, talents and knowledge. But Bhakti anchors me this time and prevents me from succumbing to the temptations of Mura and Maya.
So I am able to conquer them with ease. My Chitta is anchored. I can witness Mura and Maya’s deceptions. Because I have experienced the emptiness of loneliness. I know Lakshmi can never have any meaning without Saraswati. There has to be a true higher purpose in life. I almost fell into the same trap again. But I am glad that Bhakti has made me aware of all this. I feel the shunyata within me. I sob. Tears flow out unknowingly.
The final realization dawns on me. My ego, Mura, is the source of all my challenges. ‘Aham Brahmasmi’ – I create my own fears and my own illusions. I choose to live in an imaginary, Maya filled world of delusion. I choose to create a world of my own dreams and desires with my imagination. It is my ego, Mura that creates this big sense of ‘I’ ness in me. I have to break my sense of ‘Aham’- repeatedly.
Anchoring my Chitta is something that I have to practise.Every. Single. Day. I have to control my mind. I have to. And I think I can do even this on my own. But fail. But now I realize that I cannot do this on my own. So I do the Pancha anga dandavat. I surrender. I seek refuge in Krishna. This external expression makes a deep inner impact on me.
It is enough if I am able to conquer my own ego and see through my veil of Maya. And it is enough if I am able to nurture my own divinity. It is enough if I am able to connect to the Krishna within me. It is my duty, my dharma to take care of the Krishna that lives within me. If I invite Murari into my heart, Mukunda will liberate me from Maya.
When my barriers of Mura and Maya are dispelled – I can witness ‘Sat’ – the reality – the ultimate truth. My barriers are down. But the other may still be struggling to bring down his barriers. I can only hope to connect to the Krishna within the other. I may or may not succeed. So ‘victory over my inner self’ is what I need to focus at all times.
I get the clarity I am looking for. My mind, my heart and my soul are in complete harmony now. I bow down humbly before my Krishna and surrender to Him. I chant the ashtakshar – “Shree Krishna Sharanam Mamah” “Shree Krishna Sharanam Mama” “Shree Krishna Sharanam Mama” as I step out of my inner world refreshed with the divine energy of Krishna. As long as Krishna is within me – I know I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.
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Photo given by Meera.
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