Seeing through my illusions
In the seventh verse, Shri Vallabhacharya says:
Mam Astu Tav Sannidhou, Tanu navat vameta vata
Na Durlabh tama Rati, Muraripou Mukunda Priye,
Atho stutavat Lalanaa Suradhuni Param Sangamaat.
Tava iva Bhuvi Keertita Nat Kadapi Pushti Sthitai (7)
I feel good when I am in your vicinity. I feel safe when you guide me along the right path. It is not difficult to see through the darkness of Maya because you are the favourite of Murari and Mukunda. Therefore let me praise you and indulge you as you are the river of Gods and will lead me to the highest union of all. You are like a river of Bhakti. Everyone praises you and bows down to you. I hope you will always nourish me with the lasting comfort of your devotion.
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Seeing through my illusions
I have learnt a lot on my self-exploratory journey. But I still feel I am unaware about many things. I scan through the verses of the Yamunashtakam to see if I am missing out on something. I make a surprising observation. Vallabhacharya often refers to Krishna as Murari or Mukunda in the Yamunashtakam. I read the story of Mura again. And after a while, I realize that the five heads of Mura refer to the different aspects of the ego.
Mura is always hungry. Each head of Mura is hungry for different things at different times. The minute I satiate one hunger of Mura another one takes its place. If I ignore it or suppress it, it will feed on whatever it finds within me. If it cannot find fear or pride or pain or love it will feed on my wisdom and humility. It is always looking for some kind of fuel to fan the flames of its eternal hungers. Mura gobbles up everything it finds within me. He tiptoes into my life stealthily so I remain blissfully unaware of it.
I realize how ignorant I really am. Maya, the goddess of illusions, is busy at work in my life and is rubbing her hands in glee. And I do not even know that I was living in a world of full of illusions. I don’t know how to shrug off that cloak of illusions because I cannot see it. I get entangled in all the illusions Mura and Maya create in my mind. It is as if I am sinking in a swamp of quick sand. I need to understand Maya if I want to find a way out of maya jaal. Else I will sink.
But love too has the ability of creating illusions. I may know the reality. But I prefer to fool myself into believing that love will eventually set everything right in my life. That is an illusion. I know that if I want the story of my life to have a blissful – not happy – ending I will have to deal with all the heads of my Mura and see through all the illusions that Maya is creating in my life.
I am still ignorant about the true nature of Maya. So I invariably think that I have created my world with my efforts, skills, talent, knowledge and intellect. So I can live in my world my way all the time. But the fact is, I live in a fragile transient bubble which cocoons me from the realities of life. But I do not realize this and end up becoming like Trishanku.
I have created a happy little world of my own. Like Trishanku, I feel a noble spiritually evolved soul like me deserves a place in Swarga. It is not enough that I got my fair share of recognition in my world. I want recognition even in Swarga. So I use all my powers to get what I want because I think I deserve it all. I go against the natural order of things too without any qualms.
Mura, my ego has gained gigantic proportions again. So like Trishanku – I remain suspended, up- side down, between the lofty illusionary image that I have created of myself in my mind and my true self. I am unable to view things with the right perspective now.
So I look around. I am surrounded by broken bonds, regret, guilt and fear. All I have for company are my shattered illusions. I wonder how I could get embroiled in this kind of a Maya jaal. But I am trapped in the world that I have created. There is a huge void within me now. It is as big as Mura. I had put my Vishnu to sleep. I had seen Saraswati exiting from my life. But I was too wrapped up in my own world to bother much about it. Now, I lack the wisdom to find a way out of it all.
A tiny little voice had warned me at that time. “There is so much to see and explore and achieve and do even in this illusionary world. What do you, a tiny little voice, know about the outer world?” I had snapped at it egoistically. I had mastered the art of silencing and ignoring the voice of my conscience.
One fine day, the Vishnu within me wakes up. I am able to see the reality when the bubble of Maya bursts. Vishnu brings me to my senses with my awareness. I berate myself for feeding Mura again. The Vishnu within me smiles and says “I made you go through it all. I wanted you to experience it so that you could connect to me more deeply. Use your awareness at all times. Be conscious of what you are saying and doing.
Observe the working of your Mura. He will become restless and hungry every now and then. He is waiting for an opportunity to enter your mind. Tame him. Pin him to the ground. Keep him below your feet at all times. That is where he belongs. Never allow Bhakti to leave your side. Everything else will fall in place. You will be able to connect to me when you do so.” That was my tiny little voice. I recognized it immediately. But I had treated it so casually and had ignored it so easily. I regretted it now.
So I make a pact with myself now. I will always follow my intuition and listen to the Vishnu within me. I am able to connect the dots now. Yamunaji connects me to Murari. Murari helps me connect to Mukunda who blesses me with the best gift of all – liberation. Bhakti helps me suppress and shed my ego. So I am liberated from the world of illusions.
I smile. Just two aspects of Krishna are enough to crush the five heads of Mura. I feel safe now in Yamunaji’s presence. I consciously seek her company more often now because I do not want to live through such experiences again.
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Photo given by Meera.
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