If you ask me to use only one sentence to describe my father I will say, “He was a family man. His entire family was very important to him!” Also, he loved children. All children. Very much.
I belong to a joint family. And my father loved organizing trips for all the children in our home. He would take us all out to the Marina beach, Satnoor Dam, Kanchipuram, Mahabalipuram, Palaya Sivaram…on all holidays. For short trips, we would all have a scrumptious Sunday special meal in our huge dining hall, have a nap and leave home in the early evenings and return home late. For long trips, we would leave early in the morning with big boxes of snacks, a variety of theplas and rice for lunch/dinner and cans of water in the dick of our car.
During the vacation, he would take us on pilgrimages. He would insist that both his sisters and all their children accompany them on these trips. He would book the tickets well in advance, ask my Ma and aunts to make certain snacks and his sisters to make certain snacks.
He would call up all the people he knew in the cities we were planning to visit and ask them if they would accommodate us during our brief stay there. Most of these people were our family friends so we were welcomed with warmth wherever we went. My father would return the courtesy by taking great care of them when they visited our city.
I learnt the value of relationships and the art of maintaining loving relationships only from him. Today, I share a warm bond of love with the children of these families only because my father organized these trips for us when we were young.
My father was a natural leader. He was meticulous about details, was always well dressed and maintained all his things properly. He disliked disorder and would yell at us if we left dirty footprints on the bathroom floor. He would spend hours cleaning and dusting and maintaining things around the house on Sundays.
I realized how many values I had imbibed from him only after I got married. Also, he treated all his children equally. He loved us but always expressed his love for us through gestures, not words. He knew I loved fruits. So he would always bring me baskets full of fruits whenever I visited him after I got married.
He was fond of watching movies too. But he would watch only God movies or family-oriented movies. This happened when I was eight months pregnant. My father had come home to pick me up from my marital home after the Shrimanth ceremony. We had to stay in Mumbai for a day to catch the train to our hometown. On the spur of the moment, he said, “Come, child – let’s go watch a movie. We still have time!”
I said, “Which movie?” He said, “Come. You’ll see…” I was in for a pleasant surprise because for the first time in my life – I watched a movie of a different kind with my father. The title of the movie was “Romeo and Juliet!” I hugged my father after watching that movie. I could see the tears in his eyes. Somehow his little daughter had grown up into a woman and was soon going to be a mother. I could feel his emotions but could say nothing to him. He just held me briefly and in a gruff voice said, “Come. Time to go back now!”
Sometimes I felt he was strict with me. More so because I was a girl. He always insisted that I take his blessings every single day. If I forgot to do so – he would look at me sternly, ask me to first take his blessings and then talk to him. He would refuse to listen to my arguments about this issue. So I had to bow down to him every day whenever I saw him for the first time.
Today, I realize what he was trying to teach me. He was trying to cultivate the habit of humility within me. Yes, he was loving. Very loving. But he was strict too.
I was not very intelligent. So I would never score great marks. Whenever I showed him my report card, he would take one look at it and refuse to sign it. End of matter. He would shout at me for a couple of minutes, return the report card and tell me that he would sign it only if the marks were good.
I would then go to my uncle and get it signed by him on behalf of my father. My uncle would hug me, give me two squares of Cadburys and tell me to study sincerely from now on. I would nod, munch on the chocolate, smile with relief and forget about it all until the next time…..
Today, I am a parent myself. But I make it a point to sign all my children’s report cards without saying anything to them. They are unique in their own way, have different capabilities and I know they are trying to do their best at all times. They are children after all. They will learn – in time.
But I do realize what my father was actually doing for me. He wanted us to understand the value of good education. He did not mind me having fun with other children but he wanted me to study with zeal and dedication. Perhaps he felt I was capable of getting better grades. I don’t know…
I still remember how happy he was when my younger brother went to school for the first time. He distributed a slate, a few slate pencils and a bag to all the children in our community.
He was very eager to celebrate the tonsure ceremony of both my brothers on a grand scale. He invited all our extended family members and friends to the ceremony. He organized everything meticulously took three buses full of people to Tirupati for the tonsure ceremony. It was a memorable occasion. There was a lot of fun, frolic and festivity and I am sure all the people who attended the ceremony still remember it vividly.
It is rare indeed to find people like my father. He was very magnanimous and generous-hearted. He would never tell me about it. But I knew he helped a lot of people with his money and in several other ways without telling others about it. Also, he believed in paying people immediately and would settle all the dues the minute he looked at the bills. He would spend money only when it was necessary. He never wasted or squandered money just because he had enough money at his disposal.
I do miss him very much. Even today. Every day. My eyes do well up with tears whenever I think of him. But I also know he lived a good life. Looking back, I know I will always have only happy memories of him. So, now, I make it a point to have a smile on my face whenever I think of him. I think that is the biggest tribute that I, as his daughter can pay to my father…