I looked around the room in total despair. The books were precariously perched on the edge of our table. The computer was on ‘Sleep’ mode. The mouse and the keypad were lying open on the table. I switched off the computer, placed the mouse and keypad in the drawer below the table, placed the crochet cover over them and pushed the drawer back in place.
The school bag and the laptop bag were lying on the sofa – unzipped as usual. Newspapers and open books were strewn in one corner of the room. And amidst all this chaos, my daughter and spouse were calmly playing a game of chess!
One look at their thoughtful creased foreheads and I knew they were totally involved in their game. I stopped for a brief second. I did not have the heart to disturb them. They were oblivious to the mess around the room. I chose to ignore the beauty of their game! Two completely different perspectives to the same scenario!
But the woman in me could not be quietened. I had just returned home after a hard day’s work in office. I had brought the groceries on my way back home. I had to chop the vegetables now, right now! Only then could we all leave for work/school on time tomorrow. I had to rustle up something for dinner too. I knew a pile full of clothes awaited me on the first floor of our house. I had to fold them and put them away before I went to bed.
My husband had returned home an hour earlier from work –which was a rare thing indeed! Usually it was the other way round. I knew my daughter and husband were making the most of that hour. They loved to play chess whenever they got time. But I had to break into their bubble of bliss! There was too much to attend to around the house.
I went and stood close to both of them. My husband looked at me with a naughty smile and said, “How was your day? What’s for dinner?” I looked back at him without a smile and said, “We’ll have whatever you can cook for us for dinner! I seriously don’t have time to fool around with you today! I have to stay up and work on a report. I need to submit it in my office first thing tomorrow! So just get up and help me around the house. You can continue with this after dinner if you want to!”
He understood. Immediately. We worked under a lot of pressure. So we knew what it was like. But my daughter seemed a little upset. She rarely got to spend this kind of time with her father on a weekday. She wanted to make the most of it. That much was quite obvious. But I did not have the time or the energy to explain things to her. I had a lot on my mind that day.
I spoke briskly to her and said, “You can continue with the game after dinner, child! You need to help me. NOW! Mumma has to catch up on her office work!” She looked at me blankly and said, “Can we not – just this once- wait till we complete this game? Mumma, its fine! We can clean up everything tomorrow! Let’s finish this game. Else I will forget all the moves that I had planned!”
I shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. My husband asked me to sit down for a few minutes at least! But I couldn’t! I had too many things to take care of. I cleared my throat and in a firm voice said, “No! Not today! I’m sorry. But this is prime priority for all of us today! Just leave the game and finish the chores first!” I then looked at my daughter and said, “It’s been a week now. You said you would clean your entire room last week! I gave you ample time to do it at your pace. But it didn’t get done. So you are going to do it. Now!”
I expected my daughter to argue with me about it. But I was surprised. She looked at me directly and said, “Okay Mumma. I will do what you say!” And she went ahead and did exactly that. An hour later, her room was in perfect order!
I felt happy and relieved. Instantly. Half my stress vanished whenever I entered into my spic and span house each evening. Disorder unnerved me. The day progressed smoothly after that. We had a quick light but nutritious dinner. My spouse and daughter then continued with their game peacefully. By the time they finished the game, I had finished working on my report too.
The physical clutter around the house had probably added to my stress that evening. Post dinner, I felt calmer and had been able to work on the report with a clear mind. I needed that kind of clarity to work on a detailed report like this.
The house was in shape. The veggies neatly chopped and tucked away in the fridge. My mind started drifting the minute I was mentally free.
Something was eluding me! I pondered for a while! I recollected the taut drawn expression that I had seen on my daughter’s face earlier that evening.
She did not like the forced interruption that I had foisted on them. She could not understand how important such things were for me. I knew that for her, the time that she spent with her busy dad was more important than cleaning the mess around the house. But she respected me enough to not question me or argue with me. She did not understand me. But she did what I asked her to do because she loved me and respected me. She did what I said even if she really did not really like doing it.
I wondered if I ever did that for others. I did not like doing so many things in my life too. But did I do such things for others because I loved them and respected them?
I thought for a while. I did not really enjoy washing the dishes or drying the clothes or cooking and cleaning up afterwards. But I loved my family and respected them all. So I did do things I did not actually like doing too. But did I do all this willingly? Like my daughter? I grumbled and cribbed about the chores often enough! I had to admit that to myself. But I rarely saw my spouse doing that! He too helped me around the house. Every day. But he never grumbled about the monotony of doing them repeatedly. He just did it. Stoically. Unlike me. I kept whining.
So I decided to change myself a wee bit that day. I made a promise to myself and said, “I may not fully understand the challenges or perspectives or priorities of my loved ones or others. But I love them and respect them. So I will do things for them willingly and happily. I will also keep in mind that their priorities are very important for them too.” I don’t always have a smile on my face when I do things for others now. But I try not to whine or grumble either. I just do it. Stoically. Peacefully. Like my husband and my daughter!