I worked for a software firm for several years and quit after my daughter was born. And it was only when I was at home that I noticed that I loved counselling other mothers – my maid, neighbours and friends who were young mothers like me. Actually, I was a full-time mother for well over a decade. And it was at the age of 40 that I decided to do a course on counselling. I don’t know how to say that. It was like….yes…that’s right… I found my true calling. I love what I do. Very very much.
Yes, I am the only counsellor for the entire school – from pre-KG to 12th standard. I counsel teachers and parents too. In fact, I have to counsel them first if I want to help the child. The teachers are flexible that way. I just have to make them aware of the problems that children of a particular age group face and discuss the long term consequences that the child may face if the problem is not addressed in the right manner in the classroom. But I face a lot of resistance from the parents. Yes, I’ll be more specific. You’ll understand my point then.
The crucial age to correct self-esteem issues is when the children are studying in 1st, 2nd and 3rd standard. Most children are able to grasp what is being taught in the class. But a child with a specific learning disorder is unable to grasp academic concepts alone. Now what happens is – most teachers and parents start labelling the children as “slow”, “dumb” “lazy” and stuff like that. The parents and teachers may even beat/punish or ridicule the child and make him learn things by rote. But their efforts do not bear any fruit. At all.
The child remembers what he ate for lunch yesterday afternoon, the movie he saw two weeks back and will tell you what happened exactly in the recess four days back. But he goes blank the minute he is asked what his teacher taught him in the Math class in the morning.
Such children have special needs. They need to be taught using different techniques. They grasp concepts at their own pace. But the point I am trying to make is this – most parents and teachers assume that the child is disinterested in his subject or is reluctant to make the effort to understand things. That is most definitely not the case. The child is unable to grasp the concept if they are taught in the normal manner. It is as simple as that.
So, I explain such things to the teachers and enable them to correct their flawed perceptions of the child. They now recognize that the child has special needs and bring such children to me instead of criticizing them in front of their peers in the classroom. I tell them- very clearly – not to do this in the classroom because it leads to self esteem issues which can have an extremely damaging impact on the child’s approach to life.
That is one part of the problem. I now have to deal with the parents of these children. That’s the toughest part. The parents refuse to even acknowledge let alone accept the fact that their child has special needs. The child needs to undergo a series of tests to identify the gravity of the problem.
But I have to counsel and convince the parents about it very very patiently. And often it is a futile exercise. Yes, the more educated the parents are – the more difficult it is for them to accept that their child has a special learning requirement. Maybe it has something to do with their ego or status in society and the usual – what will people say if I take my son for counselling sessions – they will think my son is “mad”- yeah – I can sense their fears – but ultimately –good sense should prevail – no? The child – his academic progress – and his self-esteem- is more important than all those nonsensical things – yes or no? You tell me.
The father of one such child was a doctor and the mother a housewife. The mother was at least willing to give me a patient hearing and tried to understand what I was trying to say. I told her in the simplest possible manner – that if they did not address the problem at this age – the child will always lag behind academically – the gap will widen over years – and he will continue to score poor marks – and may end up with low self-esteem which in turn may have an adverse impact on the child’s personality and the quality of his life too.
But I believe the father said – I was like that when I was young. I grew up to become a doctor. The child will change after a few years. He is immature. Does not know the seriousness of academics. There is no need for him to go for any kind of counselling or tests. Ignore that counsellor. And appoint a tuition teacher for him. He’ll be fine in a couple of years.
And I feel terribly frustrated when such things happen. I can visualize the child’s trauma in the classroom – day after day. I am trying to help them find a solution. All problems are not severe either. The test results will clearly identify the gravity of the problem – it may be a mild disability or moderate or severe. And depending on the severity of the disability –the lessons have to be customized. It all boils down to that.
The child learns the same lessons in the same classroom. The teacher uses a different technique to teach him the same things. Sometimes the child has to attend extra classes. But he understands everything now – which is the most important thing – he scores well and is accepted amongst his peers.
But if the problem is not addressed the child is unable to comprehend anything in the class. He feels frustrated, zooms out of the classroom mentally – because nothing makes sense to him – and it is a steady downward spiral after that. Children learn so much so quickly at that age. There is such a big learning gap if they fall sick for even a couple of days.
Just imagine how big that gap can become if the child understands next to nothing for two or three years. He will obviously flunk a year and we know how repeaters are treated in a class – don’t we?
And this inability can be confined to specific subjects alone too – you know. He may be able to grasp all the Math and Science concepts but may struggle with languages. Others may excel in languages or fine arts but Math and/or Science may pose massive problems. It is highly specific and all these things can be easily identified when the child is in this age group.
But all the stakeholders in the child’s life must work together as a unit and ensure that the child is at par with the rest of the class. Yes, people who belong to the lower economic strata – and are not so educated as the other parents – are better that way. At least they understand that I am trying to help their child and it is an important matter that needs to be corrected at the right age/time in the right manner.
And this is not an exam. So I cannot show anyone the “results” of those tests. Can we map the child’s self-esteem on a graph and show his progress over the years? No. We can just feel – observe – these changes – in the child’s understanding – grasping ability – in his attitude – in his confidence levels – he feels good when he is accepted by his peers – all subtle changes….
Hmmm….yes, as a counsellor I can discuss the issue in detail with the parents and create awareness in their minds. But after that, the ball is entirely in their court. I don’t have a choice. So I have to – have to – let it go at that. Yes, it’s sad. But that is the reality…..