I have committed several mistakes in my life. I was in 8th standard when I fell into bad company. All I would do was play with my friends, hang out with them, come home, eat and sleep.
My father was a government employee and held a position of repute in his organization. I can’t really speak for him. He must have felt sad with my behaviour. But he never reprimanded me about it.
I dropped out of school before I completed my 8th standard. For the next three 3 or 4 years I just whiled away my time with my friends. It seemed like fun to me at that time. I did not have to shoulder any responsibilities. I would look at other children my age and wonder why they even bothered to go to school. Maybe I assumed I could make a decent living for myself even if I did not have a degree. Maybe I never thought of such things because I was so busy having fun with my friends.
Somewhere down the line, I slowly realized that I wanted to do something worthwhile with my life. That is when I was forced to confront the reality. No one wanted to employ me for any kind of work. The only work that I managed to get was at a cycle shop. I would repair cycles and rent out the cycles that we had to others whenever they wanted one. It was good because I was learning a new skill.
I was often tempted to meet my friends again and revert to my old lifestyle. But the reality had sobered me so I stayed away from them. Now I believed that if I worked hard I could make a decent living for myself. So I worked hard. A few months later I tried supplement my income by trying a different line of business. I went to Mumbai, bought hair clips, bangles and other fancy accessories from the whole sale market. I displayed them in one corner of the cycle repair shop that I worked in.
The idea worked for a while and I was happy with my success. But the initial euphoria did not last long. I knew I could not make ends meet with the meagre income that I was earning. Yet I was not willing to accept the reality even now. In fact, I had to force myself to confront it. It took me quite a while to accept that the business I was in had no future. I also knew I could not spend my entire lifetime working in a cycle shop and selling accessories.
It had taken me four long years to break away from the company I was in. And I had wasted another four years immediately after that in experimenting with my entrepreneurial skills. I felt very guilty now…. more so – because not once had my parents rebuked me or criticized me in any way in all these years.
Perhaps that was the turning point of my life. I don’t know much about such things. I just know that I understood one thing very very clearly – that if I wanted to change the course of my life I would have to get myself a decent education first.
So one fine day, I went to my father and told him that I wanted to go back to school. He just looked at me directly. There was not a trace of anxiety or bitterness in his eyes or voice when he said, “Are you sure you want to study?” My voice was low but firm as I said, “Yes, I am sure about it.” He said, “Then you should study.”That was all there was to it.
I rejoined school. It was a very awkward situation because now I was studying with students who were 8 years younger than me. But I was fine with that. It had taken me years to come to my senses. And yes, perhaps I was very scared of making friends too now. So I did not mind not having any friends either. I just focussed on my academics and passed out of school with decent marks.
I went on to get a degree in law and am now an income tax practitioner. No, my life did not suddenly transform for the better after this too. I struggled for several years even at this stage. I did not make much money even in this line initially. It takes years to create a reputation for oneself in any kind of business. People seek you out only if they trust you completely. Maybe we learn such things only the hard way.
Yes, of course, I regret wasting my childhood years. There is no doubt about that. I cannot turn the clock back and set my life right again. My life would have taken a completely different course if I had studied properly at the right time and age.
But what weighs more heavily on my heart is the fact that never once did my Pa or Ma complain about me or rebuke me or expect anything from me. They too were struggling with several challenges in their lives. I was aware about all that too. But I chose to ignore it all at that time.
They must have felt extremely sad to see me wasting my time like that. I never asked for their advice or opinion on anything and did what I wanted to all the time. They never corrected me. My parents allowed me to make mistakes but they were always there to support me when I needed them. They just kept quiet through it all.
Maybe they knew that I would come to my senses only when I was good and ready to accept the reality. Maybe deep down they had faith in my ability and my inherent goodness. I don’t know. But I am glad about one thing too. That I was able to turn my life around and create a good future for myself before they passed on….Yes, that thought gives me a lot of comfort. And yes, there is a lot that other children can learn from my life. So I have absolutely no problems if you share my story with others….