Passion has nothing to do with our livelihood. I figured that out very early on. It’s nice to know someone who feels the same way. You write. Your sister and other artists love working on their handiwork. But it gets us nowhere. You have very few readers. People don’t even appreciate handiwork let alone buy them. It’s the same with Bharat Natyam too.
We spend Rs. 55,000/- for the auditorium. Along with the orchestra, the cost of each Bharat Natyam performance goes to 2 or 2 and a half lakhs. Yes, Bharat Natyam is an expensive passion to pursue. But you know what hurts the most? That out of the 100 tickets that the Sabha manages to sell, only 20 will actually come to see the performance. And most of them will nod off to sleep in the middle of the performance. No, the dancer never earns anything from such performances. In fact, the dancer has to spend to stage a performance. Yes, not many people are aware of such things. I do know that.
Of course, I feel frustrated when I see such things. I mean, we literally practise day in and day out for 6 to 8 months to perfect each dance movement so that we can hold their attention for that one hour that we are on stage. And this is what happens. And that’s not all. In several such Sabhas or Fine Arts academies, people will pour in when they see ads that promote a particular caterer.
Most of them don’t even know that the Fine Arts Academy is just hosting a few good eateries to entice the crowds to watch the show. They assume it is a funfair. One person even asked me why I was dressed up in a Bharat Natyam costume. I had to tell him that it is actually a Fine Arts Academy and people were supposed to come there to watch the dance performances that we were staging live for them.
There is nothing we can do about such things. So we just have to shrug it off and do the things we love. But you know what – I cannot shrug off my passion for Bharat Natyam. Even if I am able to give only one solo performance in two or three years – I want to make it count – I want to prove to myself that I am worthy of staging a solo show.
A group dance is a group dance. And a solo is a solo. We can never compare the two. Yes, we all do get our fair share of the limelight even in a group dance. But a solo dance is custom created depending on the person’s body size, shape and expertise in some areas.
For instance, I have broad shoulders and I am short too. So I am most suited for the role of a male, an asura or dominant character like Hiranyakashipu. In a solo performance – I have to play the role of a docile Bhakta Prahalada, the ferocious Narasimha, the arrogant Hiranyakashipu – all by turns. That is not the case in a group performance. There I will get the limelight for a few short minutes in which I get to play only one role.
Group dance themes will usually be like Dashavatara or about the various kings of India. The word “Varnam” actually means colour. The overarching theme in a group dance, for instance, will have the Varnam of Dashavatara. Within this theme, we will express the different emotions through our Bhava.
The guru selects the Varnam for both the group dances and solo performances. She assigns roles according to our body size, shape and temperament. In a solo performance, however, she may select some part of the story of the epic Ramayana or pick up something from the Puranas. The guru then coordinates the Varnam with the Sanchari and the orchestra. Yes, the guru does listen to the wishes of the performer too. And then it is practice, practice and more practice till D Day.
I actually got a chance to stage a solo performance by a sheer stroke of luck. One day, my guru called me up to say that someone had cancelled their solo performance in the Fine Arts Academy and asked me if I wanted to stage my solo performance at that time. It was four days away. Just imagine. I had four days to practise for a solo performance and had to shop for my costume too.
Yes, I will pen down those details for you. But those four days were just a blur of excitement and nervousness. I was scared of making a complete fool of myself in front of an audience. But I did not want to ruin this lovely opportunity that had quite literally landed in my lap too.
So I practised and practised till I could. And on D day, I felt a strange sense of calm descend over me. I knew – that I could not – just could not mess up with this god-given opportunity. My costume fit me perfectly. I knew I looked beautiful. But my mind and my heart were elsewhere.
I entered the stage when I heard the notes of the orchestra and all the fear simply vanished out of my heart. I danced for Him. For Her. I danced for the sake of dancing alone. I gave my entire being – my soul – my heart and stilled my mind for that entire duration. And for the whole of an hour and a half – I knew I had merged with that higher force – and it was at that time that I understood what Bhakti, Bhaav and Rasa was all about. That – believe me when I say this – was a truly divine feeling.
And that is what passion is all about. It may never give us monetary benefits. My guru is an ACS herself. But set up her Bharat Natyam academy to pursue her passion too. Yes, perhaps you are right. We may have to put our passion on the back burner for a few decades. Yes, we cannot survive on a hungry stomach after all, can we? We do have to earn our living and take care of our homes and children too. And we have so many responsibilities to fulfill too. But like you say, our passion never leaves us. We can pick it up at any stage of our lives.
But this is the most important thing that I have realized. Our passion gives our lives meaning. It adds several intangible values to our lives. It moulds us into better human beings. I practise my Bharat Natyam steps day in and out. So I have learnt to work hard, very hard – I can work with determination tirelessly till I get the desired results….But you see – I was not born with these qualities. I have acquired all these qualities only through dance.
Today, I know so much about our rich culture, history, Natyashastra, emotions and Varnams and the value that an orchestra adds to a performance only because of my passion for Bharat Natyam. And at a very very fundamental level I know I have become more receptive to the emotions of others. So much so that if I am angry about something or someone – I just dance it out – I channelize my energy into my Bharat Natyam and am able to come out of my anger more easily. And that is the difference – the value – that art of any form – makes and adds to our lives. And probably we all should learn to be content with that.
* Akshaya, is a 19-year-old Bharat Natyam dancer who strives to perfect her dance forms under her guru, Smt. Purnima Sriraman’s expert tutelage (Sri Chandra Mudhra Dance Academy, Ashok Nagar, Chennai).
*Akshaya has staged over 25 performances so far. She has been teaching dance in her guru’s academy for the past 6 years and now teaches 5 students online over Google Meet.