Yes, I love children too. It’s such a pleasure to interact with them and I am fortunate indeed to counsel so many teachers who work in government schools in remote parts of India. It is good work and I get to travel a lot within India and abroad too. It has exposed me to so many cultures and I get to see the challenges that other children- who are not as fortunate as us- face.
But you can see the stark difference in urban and rural children even when you discuss things like their rights and duties/responsibilities with them. Children who live in villages are able to instantly relate to things like gender discrimination and racial discrimination. They face such issues in their daily lives. So they are aware of it and have probably learnt to deal with it or accept it as a way of life.
If you ask them what they expect from the government – they will say they want a proper public transport system – a bus- so that they don’t have to walk for several kilometres to reach the school and go back home every day. Ask the city-bred children about it and they will say – they want a pair of NIKE shoes! That’s how it is with all our children too, isn’t it? They take most things for granted. But look at those rural children – they value everything that they get….
But hold on there for just a bit more will you? You must listen to this experience. I’m sure you will feel sad too. Once, I had gone to a remote village to counsel the teachers and students of a government school. During a surprise visit, I was shocked to see a lady teacher, who was at least 8 months pregnant beating a young girl with a stick – mercilessly. I walked into the classroom and asked her to stop beating the poor girl first.
You know what? I had not even consoled the girl properly. I just sat down on my knees and tried to talk to her. But she just hugged me. Tightly. I could feel her sobbing with relief. I was a total stranger to her. Yet, this small girl was happy that there was someone who was trying to support and understand her. She sobbed continuously for a long while. I asked her to drink some water.
And then I took her out of the classroom. We sat under the shade of a tree –at a little distance from the school building. I waited for her to calm down first. And then I asked her why her teacher was beating her so much. She said, “I don’t know. I have a small brother. I take a little of the midday lunch that we get in school and go home to feed my small brother during the lunch break. My mother goes to work all through the week. She is a daily wage labourer.
My father ran away with another woman. Sometimes he comes home when he has no money and my mother fights with him. My mama is at home when I go in the afternoons. My mother asks him to keep a watch on my brother because there is no one else at home.
But my mama touches and presses my body everywhere Didi. I don’t know why he does this. But I don’t like it when he does all this. I feel like crying. I tried to stop him several times. But he laughs and does more of it. I told my Ma about it too Didi. But my mother too beats me up whenever I tell her anything about her brother. She says he is the only one who is helping us now. And I should be grateful to him. I don’t feel like going home in the afternoons now because my mama is there. But my mother gets angry if I don’t.
I didn’t know what to do Didi. So I told my friend about it. She went and complained to her mother. And her mother complained to my teacher. So my teacher called my mother and beat me up in front of the entire class and called me a bad girl. And my mother was standing right there in front of the entire class but did not say or do anything too.
I want to run away Didi. I don’t know what to do. But I know my mama is doing something wrong. And I am very scared to go home in the afternoons now.”
I could feel the tears in my eyes. But I consoled the poor child and asked her not to feel scared. I marched into the classroom. The teacher was still sitting there. But the students had gone home because school hours were over by then. I looked at her directly. For a while, I could not even speak. I was so furious. She squirmed. And then I said, “First of all – madam – you are in an advanced stage of pregnancy. You should not be indulging in such violent acts. Second – instead of probing into the issue, you are beating up an innocent child for no fault of hers? Did you even think about why this little girl will talk about such things to her friend unless it is bothering her?”
I then turned around to the girl’s mother and said, “Instead of having more faith in your daughter you have faith in that good for nothing brother of yours. You feel you should be grateful to him? And you, her mother keep quiet when you know that your daughter is telling you the truth? You do know that, don’t you?”
Instead of calling the girl’s uncle and beating some sense into him for sexually abusing this young girl – you are beating up this young girl for telling the truth! Aren’t you both ashamed of what you are doing?”
And you won’t believe it. Instead of accepting their mistake, they starting defending themselves saying that the girl always spoke of such dirty things to her friends. I just kept quiet and stared at them angrily. After a while, they fell silent too. They somehow sensed that they could not argue their way out with me. But I could see a wee bit of shame in their eyes. At least I feel I had set them thinking.
You know what? They actually have the power to change things in their lives. They just have to think a little differently and find a way out of their current predicament. I agree that they face tougher challenges than most of us who live in cities.
But that does not justify the things that they choose to ignore. The mother could have taken her baby to work with her. Most villagers do that. Or she could have asked her brother to keep her son with him in his house. Or asked her daughter to stay in her friend’s house till she returned every day. I mean there are various ways to solve the problem.
The problem is that they don’t solve the problem because it does not look like a problem for them. Probably they have experienced such things in their lives too. And feel it is normal. Whatever may be the case. They were doing the wrong thing by beating up the girl for no fault of hers.
I did what I had to do. But I am only a consultant after all. I don’t live in their village. And we cannot help anyone beyond a certain point. Isn’t it? We can only create some awareness in their minds and hearts. After that, it is up to them to change their lives.
I feel helpless when I see such things. It’s not easy to let go of such things. The memories and often guilt too lingers in my heart…. And it is difficult to live with that…
*Namita is a consultant for a UN agency.