Yes, my mother too asks me the same question. I do get emotionally drained in my role as a student counsellor. Teachers and parents too approach me freely nowadays for counselling. For teachers, it is usually a case of misplaced anger, spillover of anxiety in the workplace and anger management. They have a lot of issues in their personal lives. Yes, who doesn’t? But they realize that they are venting out their anger in the classroom.
Yes, teachers are busy mentally. I agree. They don’t have any time to think about their homes once they step into the school and classrooms. Most of them are 35 to 40 years old and have been teaching in this school for years. But at the end of the day, we are all human beings.
Awareness has brought about a big shift in their thinking basically. Now they don’t have any fears about being labelled. They acknowledge that they have a problem. Earlier they would just deny such things. Problems don’t disappear if we ignore them. But that is what most of us usually do when we don’t know how to solve the problem, No? Nowadays people know counselling is all about seeking help. They want to find solutions and move on with their lives. Yes, parents too come to me for counselling sessions.
But, coming back to your earlier question, I am able to sift through their emotions and focus only on one thing – how can I help them find a solution? Every problem is unique. So I listen to them patiently. I have gained their trust over years. I have worked here for a decade now. And students, teachers and parents come to me when others refer and recommend them to me.
Yes, several – several children come to me directly, discuss their problems with me openly tell me that they feel better after just venting out their problems in front of me. Most children will say that they don’t want their parents to know about their problems because they know – very very well – that their parents will never understand their problem or how they are struggling to cope with their problem.
In such cases, I have to spend a lot of time explaining why it is necessary for them to take the support of their parents. I take their permission before I call their parents. But I can sense the tenseness between the children and the parents. Yes, I’m talking about adolescents obviously. You know what I have to do first? I have to discuss why and how counselling will help them and what counselling is all about. Once they understand this clearly, I focus on their problem.
Yes, the stigma against counselling is deep-rooted in our country. In fact, most people don’t know the difference between the roles of a counsellor, a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I host hour-long awareness sessions for children of each class. I explain how I can help them overcome their problems. The problems vary according to their age group. So I tell them that it is quite normal to face such issues at this age and they can seek my help at any time in the school.
Initially, one or two students would come to me. Now, more and more students, teachers and parents too freely approach me. Yes, by prior appointment of course. Now during this lockdown, I talk to them over the phone. One boy had got into the habit of watching porn because he was cooped up the whole day in his room with his laptop. Virtual classrooms. The parents thought he was busy studying and he stumbled upon these sites. But the biggest plus point was the awareness that I had created in the school.
He knew he was doing something wrong and was getting addicted to it too. So he called me and we spoke over the phone several times. Yes, the message that I forwarded to you was from him. I feel good that I am able to help children even over the phone during the lockdown. Another boy was suffering from hormone-related problems.
He too was able to identify his problem immediately and got in touch with me. I explained what was happening to his body and how hormones worked and gave him specific ways in which he could break his habit.
Yes. You heard me right. I did say that bad mothers and bad fathers exist everywhere. I’m sure you have edited several such stories about such experiences.
Yes, there is a deadly virus out there –in the world right now. But a lot of unfortunate children are facing extremely grave situations within the four walls of what we call a home. And it’s a shame really – that educated people indulge in such filthy behaviour. Just speaks of their dirty minds. My heart goes out to the children who suffer through such nasty experiences every night.
Most children don’t know how to deal with sexual abuse. But there are several adolescents who know what they are experiencing every day. It is sheer torture. Yet they lack the courage to find a solution for their problems. They do know that they can solve their problems by discussing things with me. It’s a pity. A real pity. Because only if they come forward and state their problem can I help them solve it, isn’t it?
Yes, some feel guilty. Most are scared of the consequences. They don’t know what will happen to them if they talk about their father to their mother or about their mother to their father. So they choose to suffer in silence.
Yes, counsellors need counselling too. All this takes a toll on us too. But you know what the best part is? When you teach others to take care of themselves you learn to take care of yourself too. Naturally. I now go out for walks regularly. Also, I am a member of the Chennai Counsellors Association. It is an NGO especially for counsellors like us.
They conduct superb lectures and discussions on the latest news in the world of counselling. Highly experienced and eminent counsellors give lectures here regularly. We can’t just walk in here for these lectures. We have to register for a lecture in advance. Also, several supervisors and experienced counsellors are a part of this organisation.
So if any of us does not know how to deal with a particular case or is finding it difficult to come out of a case – we just need to take their expert advice. Yes, it is quite far from my house. But attending those sessions and meeting these highly experienced supervisors is always always worth my while. There is so much to learn in each lecture. A lot of things are evolving in this field and we get to know the latest trends that are practised so this helps me a lot in my counselling sessions too.
I don’t earn a fancy salary. And I rarely if ever charge anything for my private counselling sessions that I usually have at home. I am over 50 now. I have fulfilled all my responsibilities as a parent. My husband is an extremely content person and has recently retired from his job. He supports me in everything that I do. We are content living within our means. What more can anyone ask for or want from life. I am happy doing what I love. And that’s all there is to it. That’s how it should be and is for all of us – isn’t it?