I, Sujatha Natarajan, may be the co-owner of Manmuqi village – a resort for senior citizens, near Chennai. But I never think of myself that way. I feel I am just an instrument in the hands of God. Yes, I’d love to tell you about the seniors that live here.
We do have families living with us too. One day, I had a call from a gentleman who wanted to help me finalize his decision. He lived in Chennai. So I went to meet him. I make it a point to meet all my potential clients before they decide to move here. The entire experience was so humbling. I mean, he had a 14-year-old son who had a nervous breakdown – yes – at that young an age. It’s quite possible that he was showing signs of it all and the parents could not perceive it. Now, what happened is the mother went into depression. She was so shocked about it all that she stopped cooking and taking care of their home. The father was clueless because he did not know how to deal with the whole thing. They were treated like outcasts by their own friends and relatives.
And that is when that gentleman called me. You know – the first thing he said when he saw me was, “We were thinking of ending our lives when you came to our home Madam.”I could see the tears in his eyes. The house was in a total mess. Clothes lying around everywhere. I had to create space for us to sit on the sofa. I asked them to live with us for 6 months and see how things progressed and then they could take a call. It looked like a feasible option for that gentleman. And it’s been 8 months now, they are still living with us here.
Yes, I get your point. The seniors too realize that they too may have made mistakes or contributed to the rift in the family. But for the first six months or so, they are just adapting to the new environment here. It takes them time to adjust. There was this senior person who realized that she wanted to go back and live with her family. She was willing to adjust and compromise now. You won’t believe me when I say this, she went home and returned here, went back and now finally has made up her mind to stay here with us. Her family was willing to adjust too. But the real reason both sides were willing to adjust as they were worried about “What would people say?” Both sides knew she was happier here. But they did not want to be gossiped about. And now they have stopped worrying about others. She does go there for a few days. She has a happy time during her stay but now she comes back here.
No, it’s not that the seniors are unwilling to change with the times. They do want to do the household chores. They don’t mind cooking or chopping vegetables and stuff like that. But the women are working now. They have no time. The seniors make a mess and the juniors feel it is easier to do the task at hand themselves than to tell the seniors to help them. So they will politely tell them, “Why don’t you go and watch TV. I will do all this.”
Another thing is that not all people can afford a TV in their own rooms. The seniors want to watch serials that they like. The other family members have different tastes obviously. So they are just confined to their rooms. Most of them will frankly say, “Yes, our children do come and spend time with us each day. But we can sense that they are doing it out of courtesy – a sense of duty even – not because they genuinely want to do so.”
Things were different in the joint family. Everyone had a clearly defined role there. So they had a sense of purpose every day – even an identity. Here they have nothing to contribute to the family. They are just relegated to the background. And what I have noticed even here is that more than anything else all they yearn for is someone to be with them. Just be with them.
They like their own space – and their privacy. That is very important to them. But they don’t get all this with their families. So things become complex that way.
These are people who belong to the middle class. They can afford to live in resorts like ours. But old people are old people. No? Not all can afford to live like this. There are seniors who are living through far worse but they cannot live away peacefully like this because they don’t have that kind of money. I’d like to do something for all seniors actually. Provide them with a decent space so that they can live in peace at least in this age. But I can only dream of such things for now.
And then there is a senior who questions me when I call her family and ask them to visit her during Diwali. She says, “Why did you call them? I am fine without them. Don’t call them.” I can sense the pain in her voice. I mean, the youngsters have all the time to go traipsing around the world for months together but no time to come over and visit their parents living a few kilometres away.
No, Manmuqi village, that is the name of our resort, is not so very far away from Chennai. In fact, the city is growing quite rapidly. Mahindra Living Space has been created nearby. So there is a fair bit of traffic on this route too nowadays.
Here they are happy. They get all the privacy that they want because they have their own cottages. Even in twin sharing cottages, a door separates two people. So if they want some company all they need to do is to open that door. And keep it shut if they want to spend time doing whatever they are interested in.
We all go for group walks quite often. So every evening they get to socialize with others. We celebrate all festivals together and they love all this. And most of them have always had this dream at the back of their minds – that they wanted to go back and live in their village. So in a way, they feel very happy to be living in a real village.
We currently have 12 people living with us on a three-year contract. But if you look beyond the financial part of it, I feel the seniors are getting what they are truly yearning for – here with us. It’s these small things that make a big difference to them. One night, they will argue with me over some minor matter and the next morning when I ask them if the issue has been resolved they will say, “I never had an issue with it? When did I tell you all this? I don’t remember anything.”
And it’s that little bit of understanding, a little bit of empathy, a little sensitivity and a little forgiveness is what they are looking for and ask of me. And I feel privileged indeed to be of part of their lives. Thank you for your interest in my work. I loved talking to you about it too. Yes, the feeling is extremely mutual. I’m glad we could connect like this after so many years.