I realized the meaning of the word “struggle” very early in my life. I was in my 10th standard when my father was detected with cancer. That’s right. 10th standard. My parents were government employees. I have two younger sisters and a brother. My brother was only 5 years old at that time.
For more than six months, we were busy taking care of our father. We took turns to visit him in the hospital. We would help our mother with the household chores so that she could visit him in the hospital. She would then report for work.
We tried to lead as normal a life as we could during this time. I was young. And hopeful. I don’t know. I probably assumed that my father would recover and return home soon. The fact was that the condition of our father was deteriorating. But I did not realize it at that time.
Towards the fag end of the academic year, just before my board exams I was diagnosed with jaundice. I was in no condition to study for my exams. I had become very weak. And I had to follow a strict diet. But I was determined to appear for my exams.
Now my mother had to take care of me too. She had not told my father about my illness. My father was very anxious about me. He did not want his sickness to have an impact on my academic progress. Whenever I met him he would always ask me to study properly. I would assure him of that.
When my teachers and school principal came to know about my illness and the situation we were facing at home, they were quite concerned. My other friends wondered why my teachers were giving me so much attention. When I explained things to them they were quite shocked and supported me a lot after that. I would go to my friend’s house in the evenings and study there with her because I found it difficult to concentrate on my studies at home. We would study till late into the nights and sleep after that. I would return home in the morning.
One day, late in the evening, my cousin came to meet me when I was on my way to my friend’s house. She said, “Don’t go to your friend’s house today Ruchida. Your father is not feeling well today. He is thinking of you. Let’s go to the hospital to meet him. Now.”
I didn’t quite understand the implications of that statement. I said, “But I just met him in the evening. He was fine. And why would he want to meet me at this late hour?” But I did go with her.
I remember that scene vividly even today. I entered the ICU and saw the nurse drawing up the green curtain around his bed. They usually did this when the patient had vomited or needed a change of clothes. So I went outside quickly and told my mother, “I think Papa has thrown up. Come quickly. We need to be by his side.” My mother just held my arm tightly. She could not speak a word. It was then that I realized that my father was no more.
I just went numb with shock. I had to appear for two more papers. I did not know what to do. My mind was completely blank. When my friends heard the news of my father’s demise, they insisted that I live with them till I finished my exams. My mother too told me the same thing.
My friend accompanied me to my house the next day. We had to appear for our exam after an hour. She forced me to eat something. Nothing made any sense to me. So I just did whatever she told me to do. We were just leaving for the examination centre when I saw the ambulance carrying my father’s body reach home.
Even today, I regret the fact that I could not see my father for the last time. His body was taken to the crematorium before I reached home. Yes, I wrote the last exam too after that.
It was during this phase that I became more sensitive as a human being. I witnessed the courage of my mother. She made all the arrangements for the cremation and also for the ceremonies that are conducted after that. We did get the total support of all our relatives and friends. But I never saw her crack with grief. Not even once.
But I could also hear her sobbing her heart out to herself all through the night. At such times I realized that she too was struggling to come to terms with the loss of my father. She was strong – yes – but as human as the rest of us. And when she grieved for my father like that I understood how lonely and helpless she felt. I could feel the tears coursing down my eyes at such times.
Well, life became even more difficult for all of us after that. And there was nothing any of us could do about it. That is when I realized one more very important thing about life. That life is a struggle. For all of us. And it was going to be that way. For us and everyone else out there in the world too. And we can do only one thing about it. Face it. Squarely. Bravely. One day at a time. And do our best at all times.
People say Time is a great healer. Maybe it is. I don’t know. All I know is that my mother started working again after a few days. And since she was away for most of the day, we had to arrange for the plumbers, electricians or get things repaired around the house. I was clueless about such things. But I learnt to do it all.
This entire experience transformed me in many ways and I was aware of it too. I was no longer the carefree, demanding, ever questioning young Ruchida now. I became sober and thoughtful. I was more sensitive to the pain of others. I thought twice before I asked for anything and learnt to manage with what I had in hand. I also understood, at that young age, the meaning of “responsibility” and “courage.” I started representing my family on all social occasions. I could interact with people quite easily. Such things came naturally to me now.
Yes, of course, I did clear my 10th standard. I completely forgot to tell you about it. In fact, my principal honoured me on the annual day too. He called me up on stage and told the audience that I had appeared for my exams despite my father’s demise and my illness. My sisters and brother were studying in the same school. So I knew that for the next 8 years, my principal cited me as the role model. He would say, “If Ruchida could appear for her exams despite these kinds of setbacks, so can you!” And that is but one part of my life.
**Ruchida, is a Gold level director with Aplomb currently. We have displayed a few Aplomb health care products in this write-up. Please do get in touch with us if you wish to buy any of these Aplomb products. We will be happy to connect you to her.