Everyone has changed. Everything has changed. You too have changed. Keep your money with you. I won’t take it. Let it lie there. You have been here for the past one week. But you didn’t find 10 minutes to sit down and chat with me, did you? You go. Don’t talk with me. Okay. Sit. I will talk with you for some time.
I have been here for more than 35 years now. You know everything. Look at my deformed legs. Why did God give me these legs? Yes, my parents loved me, took good care of me and my brother and even got me married. They even showed him my legs. He agreed to marry me and then abandoned me after a few months. I went back to my parents’ house after that. What else could I do?
It’s because one of my aunts introduced me to his family that I am here today. Your aunt was ailing at that time. I took good care of her. Then your grandmother asked me to make wicks for lamps, taught me how to string garlands for the lord in my free time. I did it willingly and learnt the skills quickly. I wanted to earn money. I had none of my own. I knew I could not rely on my parents forever.
So I did all that she told me to do. I could walk well despite my deformity then. I was a little scared when your aunt passed away. I thought there would be no requirement for my services anymore. But I was happy when your family members decided to retain me and asked me to take care of the kitchen.
I did not know how to make chappatis. But I could cook quite well. I would make delicious south Indian food and chutneys for all of you and loved it when you praised me for my dishes. I made excellent tea and coffee too. I was respected and appreciated for my work. I often thought I deserved more than what I was paid but never talked about it openly.
I was treated well. I was eating good food every day. I could even choose the clothes that you all gifted me whenever you had a religious occasion in the house. You would even take me out to the Marina beach and for weddings too. Sometimes you would take me with you to watch a movie and buy me ice creams too. Yes, I have had my fair share of happy times in this house too. I am honest. I will not deny all this.
But deep down I am scared too. My parents have passed away. My brother is married. I know I will not be welcome there. Every new helper or cook that you employ is a threat to my job. I have no education. I have no house of my own. I know for sure that no one will take care of me when I grow old or become incapacitated.
I don’t know. Maybe these fears make me behave irrationally. Maybe that is why I scream and fight with all the new employees. I lose control when I see them doing my work. And when you try to stop our fights, I start fighting with you too. I will do my work perfectly in my own way at my own pace. I will not tolerate anyone doing my work. It is my work. No? I have to work. Else who will keep me? Am I wrong? You tell me.
But see how times have changed. You all have grown up. You got married and have children of your own. So none of you has time for me now. No one comes here to drink my tea or coffee anymore. You have your own cooks. You give them rooms of their own and a fatter salary too. Should I not get a room of my own too? You tell me if what I am asking for is fair or not? They have come yesterday only. Yet you give them such royal treatment.
And I am old and almost useless. So you don’t care for me. Is it not? You tell me. Be honest. Am I not right? Don’t I deserve a better salary too? I don’t know what my future holds for me. But I know I will need all the money that I have saved. Sometimes I feel you all take me for granted because you know I cannot leave this job and go elsewhere. I speak the truth. So no one likes my face.
Tell me. Why does the new cook’s wife enter my kitchen? She has a room of her own. Let her buy her own gas stove and heat it there. I won’t allow her to use my kitchen. Why should I? Don’t tell me to talk softly. You know I am deaf. So I shout. Yes, I know I scream my lungs out when the seniors are having their lunch and dinner in the kitchen too. But they should know that what they are doing is unfair. No?
My legs ache a lot these days, you know. See how thin they have become. I am not able to walk anymore. Plus I have BP and diabetes too. Yes, they call the doctor especially for me. I do appreciate their concern but I will not tolerate unfairness either. I have even overheard you talking about me.
I know what is going on in your mind these days. You want to send me away to an old age home. I feel very scared when I overhear such things. I have worked from dawn to dusk for so many years for all of you. My legs have been giving me a lot of problems for the past four years. I am not able to walk too now. I have to use my hands to walk around the house. I am unable to sleep for even 5 minutes in the night.
You ask me not to scream so loudly at night. You say it disturbs you all. But what you don’t know is that my head spins continuously. So many times I have taken several sleeping pills and BP pills and Shakti injections too. Yet I am not able to sleep soundly for even one night. Sometimes I feel I will go crazy. I don’t feel like eating too.
So nowadays I just shut myself in my room after I finish my work. Yes, I know I am a mere employee. But no one except me knows how difficult it is for me to do the work that I do. You take your normalcy for granted. Just step into my body for a few days and you will understand what I am going through.
Actually, I am very tired of my body. I just want to go up now. My fears haunt me every minute. What will I do if you send me away to an old age home? Who will take care of me there? That thought alone sobers me out of my sleeplessness. I somehow gather the little energy that I have, get up and do my work in the morning. Think whatever you want about me. I don’t care anymore. I know I will be valued only as long as I work. Drink your coffee now. Is it good? Will you come tomorrow also? Okay. Go now. Spend some time with your parents.